5 EXTREME OFFICE SPORTS – 2.OH!

Here at Clikit Media we set the bar pretty high when it comes to our extreme activities (as well as our service levels I might add!).

South Africans are notoriously immune to danger and we just love pushing the limits, however, there are some people – some on our staff, actually – who just like to take it up a notch.

When you have colleagues with nicknames such as Willeklong, Panga, Powerman and Sarge, it should probably be an indication of the type of specimen we’re dealing with. Ah, and yes, let’s not forget to mention that our petite female account manager enjoys taking her Subaru around the track whenever she feels like some relaxation. We’re sure you get the idea . . .

We were recently directed to an article, 5 Extreme Office Sports, featured on manbox.co.za. Quite excited at the prospect of some fresh ideas to spice up our office existence, we duly headed off to see whether there were any new tricks for us old dogs. To say that we were disappointed is putting it mildly.

Maybe we’re not quite the audience they intended to reach – after all the Clikit Media males are not quite the type to be interested in male grooming products (and frankly this shows). In a quick survey among male staffers, it came to light that Panga still uses the Aqua Velva aftershave he got from his grandmother for Christmas in 1992 and Willeklong admitted that the only thing he ever applies to his skin is camo paint when heading out for some paintball fun. The question about hair care products was obviously wasted on Powerman, since he already went bald in the latter years of his high school career and Sarge still shaves dry.

In view our collective disappointment and the general consensus that the office sports listed in the article didn’t quite live up to its title, we’ve decided to compile our own list of extreme office sports. Here goes . . .

Clikit Media’s 5 extreme office sports

1. Monday Morning Meds Madness1

Sure to spice up those all too frequent Monday blues – but take heed, this is (literally) not for the fainthearted.

Mondays – when we generally suffer from the weekend’s accidents and excesses – are the perfect days to partake in this, since chances are that you’re taking some form of meds or supplement to counter your misfortune.

The rules:

Each person puts their own meds/supplements in pre-numbered containers and it is then redistributed via a quick “number draw”. Participants then proceed to take whatever gets allocated to them.

Winner: Anyone lucky enough to draw any form of anti-depressant.
Loser: Laxatives are never fun . .

2. The Shining2

Named for the acclaimed Stephen King novel (and subsequent film by Stanley Kubrick), in reference to its psychological horror inducing qualities, this activity has been known to cause long term damage on various levels. It’s similar to staring into the sun.

The rules:

Find the nearest photocopy machine and place face on glass top. Proceed to make a copy while keeping eyes open and staring straight into the light emitted by the copier. The actual print copy will confirm whether participants actually abided by the rules.

Winner: Anyone able to distinguish outlines within the hour.
Loser: Ends up with solar retinopathy.

3. Janitor Jousting3

A slight variant on the combat in which two knights on horseback attempt to unhorse each other with blunted lances . . . this is an old favourite!

The rules:

You will need two each of the following: String mop, bucket and office chair on wheels. Each participant puts a bucket on his head, arms himself with a mop and mounts his chair. The participants then move towards each other (under own power or assisted by a chair pusher) in a straight line and attempt to dislodge their opponent from their chair with the “mop lance”.

Winner: This really calls for an elimination knockout tournament with the winner of each contest progressing to the next round until ultimately only two “knights” remain – setting the stage for an epic showdown of mop skills.
Loser: Many, but ultimately a broken nose or dislodged tooth might take the cake.

4. Wheel of Fortune4

Just the thing to hone your balancing skills. We recommend you wear some form of head protection for this one.

The rules:

Contestants are placed in an office swivel chair and continuously spun around for 30 seconds*. The objective is to get up from the chair and run towards the nearest exit in the shortest possible time. Contestants could find it a tad difficult to stay on the right path and drunkenly veer off in a direction not quite in line with their objective.

Winner: The contestant that reaches the target in the shortest space of time.
Loser: Let’s just say we’ve recently had to replace two dry walls and a water cooler. But, this was small change compared to the cost of contestant’s reconstructive surgery.

* Some contestants don’t quite make the 30 second mark before getting sick. Immediate disqualification and participation in Stapler Roulette should be enforced in such instances.

5.Stapler Roulette5

A firm favourite among those individuals with a penchant for piercing – but it scares the living daylights out of the rest of us.

The rules:

Get six staplers and six participants together. Preload ONLY one stapler with staples. Participants each choose a stapler and place their hands in the staple position. A rules official then proceeds to bear down on the first stapler. If the particular participant received a “blank” then proceed to next participant.

Winner: Well, there will be five relieved winners actually.
Loser: Obviously someone will be the lucky recipient of a brand new double puncture wound.

Please note: This is a parody and not be taken seriously. Clikit Media does not accept responsibility for any person crazy enough to actually attempt this (apart from our staff, but they were forced to do it). For those who do and survive, we would like to hear from you and may even have an opening on our staff for one more crazy individual. Send CV and photo proof to discardthisapplication@clikitmedia.com

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